Week Two

So clearly, Santa Cruz just can't handle our talents. We're much too much for this town, it's time to expand our horizons. And that expansion is realized in the form of the Highway 17 Express which will take us to the promised land: San Jose, CA. Five dollars to get to downtown San Jose, not too bad. Oh wait but that's ten dollars a day... Alright. Well, we'll only have to do this a few times. No big deal. We'll be living there soon anyway. Oh yeah, this is where we needed to be. We're gonna get jobs in no time. We're gonna be offered too many jobs, we're gonna have to turn jobs DOWN! Jobs for days. Bring it on. Pizza place, coffee place, sushi place, beer place, burger place, five star place, two star place, bagel place, Italian place, Mexican place, Asian place, Asian place, Asian place, Indian Pace, Moroccan place. Moroccan place....? What? Oh, you want to hire all of us? Niiiiiiice. In the bag. Yeah, that was almost too easy. You want us to memorize this? Yeah, of course, let me see it. ...Three pages? This seems a little excessive but it's cool, we all have jobs. So you're saying you want this absolutely verbatim, not just as a general outline? Doesn't that make it sound just a little... rehearsed? Skeptical. But you're the boss... Okay, got the script down. Start with bussing? No problemO. You want me to buss for a month before I can move on it training? Are you sure it takes that long to learn how to pick up plates? So, about tips when I DO get the privilege of moving on to server... Tips go to the "house"? What does that even mean?

*1 shift later* This is not going to fucking work out.

Week One

California is the shit. We love it, that's decided. Any doubts have been thoroughly quelled. We want to live here, we want to make it work, it's got everything we were hoping for and more. So allow the quest to begin. It is a tall order, find a job and a place to live in two weeks. But we can do it. We're smart, we're tactful, we're generally qualified, we've got a little money... Well, more than that guy on the sidewalk over there at least. So let's fuckin' do it! One two three go. Alright, so. Here's the thing. All the enthusiasm in the world is not enough for California standards. We assumed being really, really, really ridiculously good looking would at least get us somewhere. But, alas, maybe there is more to life. Anyway. So we have to look for a real job. Easy enough. We've all had jobs before, we know how this works. Application here, application there... Oh, they're definitely gonna call me, that manager really liked me, they said they needed someone right away! Um, why haven't they called me yet? I'll just call them, just to see what's up, when I can come in for orientation. WHAT!? They fuckin' filled the position!! Motherfuckers. They essentially guaranteed me the job. Fuck. Alright, time to keep truckin'. This won't be so bad, we'll all have jobs by the end of the week.

*Repeat previous scenario approximately 30 times for each person and fast forward to the weekend.*

This may be slightly more difficult than anticipated.